Skip to content
AlternativeMed
Communicate more comfortably about intimacy: two ceramic mugs of tea, an open blank notebook with a pen and a small vase of flowers on a sunlit wooden table by a window

Improve Sexual Wellbeing & Intimacy

Communicate More Comfortably About Intimacy

Many adults find it hard to talk about sex, desire, comfort and boundaries, even with someone they love, and large reviews of research link better sexual communication with greater sexual and relationship satisfaction. This page is about the conversation itself: starting it, listening, consent and getting help; desire, arousal, pain, orgasm and medicines have their own goals.

General information, not medical advice. Last updated November 1, 2026. Written by the AlternativeMed editorial team. Not medically reviewed.

Start here

  • Choose a calm, private moment away from the bedroom and away from any disagreement, and say what you want to talk about and why, for example that you value the closeness and want it to feel good for both of you.
  • Start with something you appreciate, then describe your own feelings and wishes using 'I' statements rather than blame, and ask your partner what they would like and what is not working for them.
  • Agree that either of you can say 'yes', 'no', 'not now' or 'let's slow down' at any time without punishment, and that the answer is respected.

Be careful with

  • Consent matters in every relationship, including long ones and marriages. Pressure, guilt, threats, or continuing after someone has said no or gone quiet is not agreement, and never part of a healthy conversation.
  • Talking about sex can bring up painful memories, especially after abuse, assault or past trauma. Go at the pace of the person who finds it hardest, and consider a trained therapist rather than pushing through.
  • Do not use a talk about sex to criticise, compare your partner with others or settle a score. If a conversation turns into an argument, stop and come back to it another day.
  • Do not buy pills, supplements or online prescription-type products to 'fix' a problem without first talking to a clinician or pharmacist.

Get help when

  • You feel pressured, frightened, controlled or unsafe with a partner, or you have been forced into sex. This is not your fault, and help is available (see the Evidence & Safety tab for helplines named by the NHS and the US Office on Women's Health).
  • Sexual problems that keep happening, such as pain, loss of desire or erection or arousal difficulties. The NHS says to see a GP or sexual health clinic if problems keep happening because they can signal a treatable health condition.
  • Talking keeps ending in the same painful argument, or one of you avoids closeness altogether. Couple therapy or sex therapy with a registered professional can help.
  • Low mood, constant worry, or thoughts of harming yourself. Speak to a doctor or crisis service promptly; see the linked mood and anxiety pages.
  • Signs of a sexually transmitted infection, or you want testing or advice. Sexual health clinics give free, confidential advice.

About Communicate More Comfortably About Intimacy

What this goal means

This goal is about being able to talk with a partner, or a potential partner, about intimacy in a way that feels safe and respectful: what you enjoy, what you do not, what you are worried about, and what you need. It includes asking for and giving consent, saying no kindly, and hearing a no without taking it as rejection.

The World Health Organization describes sexual health as physical, emotional, mental and social wellbeing in relation to sexuality, not just the absence of disease. It calls for a respectful approach to sexuality and relationships, and for the chance to have enjoyable, safe sexual experiences free of coercion, discrimination and abuse.

1

What it can feel like

Common experiences are embarrassment, fear of hurting or disappointing a partner, worry about being judged, not having the words, putting it off until a problem builds, or assuming a partner should simply know. Some people hint, go quiet, or avoid touch altogether to prevent the topic coming up.

These feelings are common and are not a sign that something is wrong with you or the relationship. Like other skills, talking about intimacy usually gets easier with practice.

2

What can make it harder

Stress, tiredness, anxiety or low mood, relationship conflict, upbringing and culture, shame about the body, past painful experiences, and differences in what partners want can all make the conversation harder. The NHS lists stress and tiredness as common causes of occasional erection problems and depression or anxiety as underlying causes of frequent ones, which shows how closely mood and sexual wellbeing are linked.

In a meta-analysis, the link between sexual communication and satisfaction was weaker where gender inequality was higher and stronger in more individualistic cultures, which suggests that cultural context shapes how much talking helps and how easy it is.

3,2

Conditions and situations that can sit behind it

Sexual problems such as pain, low desire, or difficulty with arousal, erections or orgasm can make talking harder, and can themselves have medical, hormonal, mood or medicine-related causes. Talking openly can help you and a clinician work out which. See the neighbouring goals on desire, arousal, discomfort, orgasm, performance anxiety and medicines rather than looking for the answer here.

Anxiety, depression and past trauma can also make closeness and conversation feel threatening. Linked pages on those conditions are listed under Related.

3,4

Realistic expectations

A meta-analysis of 48 studies found that couples' sexual communication was positively associated with sexual desire, arousal, orgasm, erectile function, less pain and overall sexual function, with small to moderate correlations (for overall sexual function, r = .35). A later meta-analysis of 93 studies and 38,499 people found associations with relationship satisfaction (r = .37) and sexual satisfaction (r = .43). These are associations, not proof that talking causes better sex, since satisfied couples may also simply talk more easily.

One conversation is rarely enough. Expect awkward first attempts, small steps, and the need to return to the topic over weeks and months.

4,2

Who this applies to

Adults of any gender, orientation, age or ability, in new or long relationships, with one partner or more, and people who are single and thinking about how to talk with future partners. Much of the research was done with opposite-sex couples, so we did not find equally strong evidence for every kind of relationship. The skills described here are general ones: listening, honesty, respect and consent.

Young people have their own needs and rights to age-appropriate information; this page is written for adults.

5

Related conditions and symptoms

Anxiety disorders → Trauma and PTSD → Erectile dysfunction → Vaginal dryness and sexual wellness → Perimenopause and menopause →

A manageable starting plan

An educational starting point, not a personal prescription. Adjust it to your own situation and any advice from your clinician.

Your first actions

  • Pick one calm time this week, tell your partner what you want to talk about and that you value closeness, and keep the first conversation to 15 minutes.
  • Start with something you appreciate, say one thing you enjoy and one thing you would like to understand, then ask your partner the same questions.
  • Agree that 'no', 'not now' and 'slow down' are always welcome, and what you will do when one of you says them.
  • Book a short check-in for 1 to 2 weeks later.

Optional additions

  • Write down your thoughts first if speaking is hard, or read a reputable guide together.
  • Talk about sexual health, testing and contraception together or at a clinic.
  • Look into couple therapy or sex therapy if the same argument keeps recurring.

What to track

  • How comfortable each of you felt before and after the talk (a simple 1 to 5 score).
  • Whether either of you felt pressured at any point.
  • Any physical symptom, such as pain, erection or arousal difficulty, that you want to raise with a clinician.

When to reassess

After 4 to 6 weeks of regular check-ins, ask whether talking feels easier and whether either of you still avoids the topic. If not, or if talking brings fear, anger or distress, consider couple therapy, sex therapy, or a medical visit.

When to seek professional support

  • See a GP or sexual health clinic if sexual problems keep happening.
  • Contact a specialist service if you feel unsafe or pressured (see Evidence & Safety).
  • Ask about couple or sex therapy; check the therapist's registration.

What helps

Ordered by how well the research supports each step. Evidence strength is shown on every card; precautions sit next to the advice.

Start here

Choose the right moment and place

Low certainty

Addresses: A calmer, more honest conversation

Why it may help: Sexual topics are harder to raise in the middle of sex, after an argument, or when one of you is tired or stressed. The NHS notes that stress and tiredness are common causes of occasional sexual difficulties, so a relaxed time makes it easier to treat the subject as shared rather than as blame.

How to apply it: Ask something like 'Can we find a time this weekend to talk about us and our sex life? I would like it to be good for both of us.' Take a walk, share a meal or sit side by side, which many people find less intense than face to face.

Who it may suit: Anyone starting a first conversation or returning to a topic that has felt tense.

Precautions: If your partner has been unkind, controlling or frightening in the past, do not raise sensitive topics alone and see the safety section.

3,2

Say what you feel and want, then ask

Moderate certainty

Addresses: Better quality of sexual communication

Why it may help: In the meta-analysis of 93 studies, the quality of sexual communication was more strongly linked with relationship and sexual satisfaction (r = .43 and .52) than how often couples talked (r = .31 for both) or sexual self-disclosure alone (r = .28 and .39). Better to say something clear and kind than to say a lot.

How to apply it: Use 'I' statements ('I feel closer when...'), be specific and positive about what you enjoy, name worries gently, and then invite your partner's view with open questions. Avoid labels or blame.

Who it may suit: Partners at any stage who want to move beyond hints and guessing.

Precautions: These findings are correlations, mostly from self-report surveys. They show that the two go together, not that a particular phrase works for everyone.

2

Build Emotional & Physical Connection →

Make consent an ongoing, two-way habit

Not enough evidence

Addresses: Safety and trust

Why it may help: The WHO describes sexual health as including experiences free of coercion, discrimination and abuse. A systematic review of consent research found that consent is often defined implicitly and is contextual, which is a reason to check in explicitly rather than assume, including in established relationships.

How to apply it: Ask rather than assume ('Do you like this?', 'Do you want to keep going?'). Treat 'no', 'not now', hesitation or silence as a reason to pause. Make clear that saying no never costs anything. Alcohol or other substances, sleep, or illness can limit someone's ability to agree.

Who it may suit: Everyone, in every relationship and at every age.

Precautions: Consent is an ethical and legal principle rather than something a trial can test, so there is little outcome evidence to rate. If you are not sure whether a partner has agreed, stop and ask.

1,6

Feel More Connected to Others →

Listen more than you defend

Moderate certainty

Addresses: A partner who feels heard

Why it may help: Couple therapy studies, which train communication and listening, show large gains in relationship satisfaction and improvements in self-reported and observed communication and emotional intimacy. Active listening is one core part of such programs.

How to apply it: Let your partner finish, then repeat back what you heard ('So you are saying...'), thank them for being honest, and say what you will try. Resist explaining or defending in the first minutes.

Who it may suit: Couples who get stuck in blame, silence or defensiveness.

Precautions: The couple therapy trials were of structured, professionally led programs and mostly of opposite-sex couples; reading about listening is not the same thing.

5

Understand & Manage Your Emotions →

Additional options

Plan short, regular check-ins

Very low certainty

Addresses: Less pressure, more ease over time

Why it may help: Because the relationship between talking and satisfaction was found across many studies, regular small conversations are a sensible way to build the habit, although we did not find a trial that tests a particular schedule.

How to apply it: Try 10 to 15 minutes every week or two. Keep one thing you enjoyed, one thing you would like to try or change, and one thing you need from your partner.

Who it may suit: Long-term partners, or couples who find one big conversation overwhelming.

Precautions: Do not turn check-ins into performance reviews. Stop if either person feels pressured.

2

Practise saying 'no' and hearing 'no'

Not enough evidence

Addresses: Safer, more trusting closeness

Why it may help: Respectful intimacy depends on both people being free to decline. Practising warm ways to decline ('Not tonight, but I would love to cuddle') can keep the relationship connected while keeping choice real.

How to apply it: Agree on simple words or signals for 'pause' or 'slow down', and agree that the first response to a no is thanks, not persuasion.

Who it may suit: Anyone, especially couples who have a pattern of avoidance or pressure.

Precautions: If a partner reacts to a no with anger, threats or punishment, that is a safety concern, not a communication problem.

1,7,8

Talk about sexual health, testing and protection

Moderate certainty

Addresses: Safer sex and fewer unspoken worries

Why it may help: The NHS says sexual health clinics and many GP surgeries offer free, confidential advice, STI testing and contraception. Bringing it up before sex, and using a clinic together if you want, makes it a shared health topic.

How to apply it: Say what testing you have had and ask about your partner's. Use clinic services or the national sexual health helpline in the UK (0300 123 7123 per the NHS) if you want advice.

Who it may suit: New partners, people with more than one partner, and anyone who has not tested for a while.

Precautions: This page does not give STI treatment advice; see a clinic or clinician.

9

Write it down or read together

Very low certainty

Addresses: A gentler way in for people who struggle to speak

Why it may help: Some people find it easier to write a note or share reading material than to start talking. A systematic review of bibliotherapy (self-help written materials) for sexual difficulties found indications of positive effects compared with no treatment, but certainty was very low.

How to apply it: Write your thoughts first and share them, or read a reputable guide together and talk about what stood out.

Who it may suit: People who freeze when they try to speak, or who want a low-pressure start.

Precautions: The review's trials were for diagnosed sexual dysfunctions, not for communication in general, and could not draw firm conclusions. Choose materials from clinicians or reputable health organisations.

10

Still being studied

Couple therapy or sex therapy with a trained professional

Moderate certainty

Addresses: Better relationship satisfaction, communication and emotional intimacy

Why it may help: A meta-analysis of 58 studies (40 samples, 2,092 couples) found that couple therapy had a large effect on relationship satisfaction (Hedges g = 1.12) while waitlist couples did not improve, with gains maintained at follow-up and improvements in communication and emotional intimacy.

How to apply it: Ask your GP or look for a registered counsellor or therapist. For sexual issues, the NHS suggests checking membership of recognised bodies, such as the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy for counsellors, and the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists or the Institute of Psychosexual Medicine for sex therapists.

Who it may suit: Couples stuck in repeated conflict or avoidance, or where a sexual difficulty is affecting the relationship.

Precautions: The studies included only opposite-sex couples. NHS waiting lists for such services can be long, and therapy can be costly. Therapy is not suitable when there is abuse or coercion; seek specialist support instead.

5,3

Therapy for anxiety and stress →

Food & nutrition

Is there a food route?

We did not find food or nutrition evidence for improving how comfortably people talk about intimacy in the sources we read. Nutrition is relevant to other goals, such as sleep, energy and heart health, which indirectly affect mood and sexual wellbeing.

Sharing a meal can be a relaxed setting for a conversation, but that is a practical suggestion, not a studied treatment. Heavy alcohol is best avoided when talking about consent or sensitive topics.

3,6

Remedies & supplements

Traditional use, laboratory findings and human trials are kept apart. "Natural" does not mean safe.

We did not find a remedy or supplement with reliable human evidence for this goal in the sources we read. Be cautious of any product that promises a result, and read the "What to avoid" tab for claims that do not hold up.

Therapies & care

Established professional help for communication and intimacy includes couple therapy and sex therapy with a registered professional. Sexual problems that keep happening can have medical causes, so a GP or sexual health clinic is also a good first step. This page does not recommend medicines or doses, and you should not stop a prescribed medicine on your own; if you think a medicine is affecting your sex life, speak to the prescriber.

Couple therapy

Moderate certainty

Talking therapy for couples A meta-analysis of 58 studies (2,092 couples) found large effects on relationship satisfaction that were generally maintained over time, with significant benefits for communication and emotional intimacy.

Who it may suit: Couples with repeated conflict, distance, or avoidance of closeness, and those wanting structured support.

Precautions: Only opposite-sex couples were included in the studies. Therapy is not an appropriate place to work through abuse or coercion; a specialist service is.

5

Sex therapy or counselling

Low certainty

Specialist talking therapy The NHS says counselling and therapy can help when erection problems are linked to emotional or mental health problems, and suggests checking recognised professional memberships. Relate is named as a provider of sex therapy for a fee.

Who it may suit: People for whom sexual difficulty is tied to worry, stress, relationship strain or past experiences.

Precautions: NHS waiting lists can be long and private therapy costs money. Check the therapist's registration.

3

Support Healthy Erectile Function →

Self-help reading (bibliotherapy)

Very low certainty

Self-guided A systematic review of 15 trials (1,113 people) of self-help written materials for sexual dysfunctions found indications of benefit compared with no treatment, with larger effects for women than men, but the certainty was very low and firm conclusions could not be drawn.

Who it may suit: People who prefer to start privately, or cannot easily access therapy.

Precautions: Not a substitute for a medical check when problems persist. Choose reputable materials.

10

GP or sexual health clinic visit

Moderate certainty

Medical assessment The NHS says to see a GP or sexual health clinic if sexual problems keep happening, as this may signal a treatable health condition. Sexual health services offer free, confidential advice and STI testing.

Who it may suit: Anyone with persistent sexual symptoms, STI worries, or who wants to talk about sex with a professional.

Precautions: Treatments, if any, are decided by a clinician; this page gives no drug names or doses.

3,9

Understand How Medicines Affect Sexual Wellbeing →

What to avoid

Habits, products and claims that can get in the way. Never stop a prescribed medicine without talking to the professional who prescribed it.

Risks that apply to most people

Pressure, guilt-tripping or sulking to get agreement

Not enough evidence

Why: Consent that is freely given is part of the WHO definition of sexual health, which refers to experiences free of coercion. Pressure erodes trust and is the opposite of the openness this goal is about.

Who it applies to: Everyone, in any relationship.

Try instead: Make a request once, clearly and kindly, and accept the answer. If you disagree about frequency or preferences, talk about that in a calm moment.

1

Raising it in the middle of sex or straight after an argument

Low certainty

Why: Timing matters. Stress and tiredness make sexual and emotional difficulties worse (NHS), and a comment in the moment is easily heard as criticism.

Who it applies to: Anyone starting a hard topic.

Try instead: Choose a neutral time and place, and say in advance what you would like to discuss.

3

Personal triggers to check

Alcohol or other substances as a way to 'loosen up' the conversation

Low certainty

Why: Substances can limit someone's ability to agree and make it harder to remember or trust what was said. The consent literature identifies incapacitation as one of the common themes in unwanted sexual experiences.

Who it applies to: Anyone using alcohol or drugs around intimacy.

Try instead: Talk while sober, then enjoy time together separately.

6

Unaddressed stress, tiredness, low mood or worry

Moderate certainty

Why: The NHS lists stress and tiredness as common causes of occasional erection problems, and depression or anxiety as underlying causes of frequent ones. When these are present, the conversation often feels harder than it is.

Who it applies to: People under pressure at work or home, new parents, and those with mood or anxiety problems.

Try instead: Treat the stress or mood issue first or alongside; see the linked pages.

3

Manage Everyday Stress → Support a More Balanced Mood →

Products that need caution

Online 'male enhancement' pills and unregulated sexual supplements sold as a shortcut

Not enough evidence

Why: We did not find a source we read for this page that reviews these products, so they are outside this page's scope. They do not teach communication, and they are covered in the neighbouring goals on erectile function and desire.

Who it applies to: People hoping for a product to remove an awkward conversation.

Try instead: Talk with your partner and a clinician or pharmacist first, and read the neighbouring goal pages.

3

Support Healthy Erectile Function → Evaluate testosterone boosters and enhancement claims →

Unsupported claims

'If they loved me, they would just know what I like'

Moderate certainty

Why: Large reviews link clearer, better-quality sexual communication with greater sexual and relationship satisfaction (r = .43 and .52 for quality of communication), so guessing is a poor substitute for saying.

Who it applies to: Anyone who hopes a partner will read their mind.

Try instead: Say it kindly and specifically, and ask in return.

2

'Talking about sex kills the mood'

Moderate certainty

Why: The meta-analysis of 48 studies found sexual communication positively associated with desire, arousal, lubrication, orgasm, erectile function and less pain. These are correlations in surveys rather than proof, but they do not suggest that talking harms sex.

Who it applies to: People who avoid the topic for fear of spoiling closeness.

Try instead: Keep early conversations short and warm, and use playful, positive language as comfort grows.

4

Common mistakes

Treating a desire mismatch as someone's fault

Low certainty

Why: Differences in desire are common and have many possible causes, including stress, medicines, health and mood. Blame shuts the conversation down.

Who it applies to: Couples with different levels or kinds of interest.

Try instead: Describe the difference as a shared puzzle, and see the goal on changes in sexual desire if it persists.

3

Understand Changes in Sexual Desire →

Giving up after one awkward attempt

Very low certainty

Why: The research connects better communication with better outcomes over time; one tense first try does not predict how later conversations will go.

Who it applies to: Anyone who tried once and felt it went badly.

Try instead: Name that it felt awkward, thank each other for trying, and plan a short second conversation.

2

Ignoring pain, loss of desire or erection problems and only hoping they pass

Moderate certainty

Why: The NHS says sexual difficulties that keep happening may signal a treatable health condition, and a doctor or sexual health clinic can look into it.

Who it applies to: Anyone with recurring sexual difficulties.

Try instead: Tell your partner what you are noticing, and book a GP or sexual health clinic visit.

3

Address Discomfort During Sex →

Evidence & safety

What the research shows

Two large meta-analyses (48 studies and 93 studies) found that better sexual communication is associated with greater sexual function and with greater relationship and sexual satisfaction, with the quality of communication mattering more than the frequency. These are correlations from mostly self-reported surveys, not proof of cause. A meta-analysis of couple therapy found large gains in relationship satisfaction, communication and emotional intimacy, though only opposite-sex couples were studied. Evidence on self-help reading is very low certainty. Consent is a matter of ethics and safety rather than something trials can test.

Limits of the evidence

  • Sexual communication studies are mostly correlational and based on self-report, so they cannot show that talking causes better sex.
  • Much of the research is from Western samples and opposite-sex couples; we did not find equally strong evidence for every type of relationship or culture.
  • The couple therapy meta-analysis included only opposite-sex couples.
  • The bibliotherapy review rated certainty as very low and could not draw firm conclusions.
  • We did not find a trial that tests a specific conversation script or check-in schedule.

Precautions and interactions

  • Consent must be freely given, can be withdrawn, and is not possible when someone is pressured, frightened or incapacitated.
  • Go slowly if either person has a history of trauma or abuse; a trained therapist can help.
  • Do not buy sexual supplements or online medicines without advice from a clinician or pharmacist.
  • Never stop a prescribed medicine because of sexual side effects without speaking to the prescriber.

Life-stage considerations

  • Older adults: closeness and sexual wellbeing continue to matter; health conditions and medicines can change sexual function, and a clinician can help.
  • Young people: this page is written for adults; young people can use confidential sexual health services, which the NHS says under-16s can also access.
  • Pregnancy and after birth: talk about comfort and changes with your partner and your midwife or doctor.
  • People with disability or long-term illness: openly discussing what is comfortable, tiring or painful is part of the same skill; a clinician can advise on adaptations.

Warning signs

  • Feeling afraid of a partner, controlled, or forced into sex: this is not your fault. In the UK, the NHS names the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247, 24 hours) and the Rape and sexual abuse support line for England and Wales (0808 500 2222, 24 hours). In the US, the Office on Women's Health page names a hotline at 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233) and says to call 911 or go to an emergency room in a medical emergency.
  • Pain, bleeding or sudden severe symptoms during or after sex need prompt medical care.
  • Recurring sexual difficulties, which the NHS says may signal a treatable health condition.
  • Low mood or thoughts of self-harm: speak to a doctor or crisis service now; we did not read a crisis line number in the sources for this page, so please use your local emergency number or health service.

Claim checks

Good couples never need to talk about sex

Moderate certainty

Not supported. Meta-analyses link better communication with greater sexual and relationship satisfaction, though they are correlations.

4,2

Talking about sex more often is always better

Moderate certainty

Partly. The quality of sexual communication was more strongly linked with satisfaction than how often couples talked.

2

Consent is only needed with new partners

Not enough evidence

Not supported. Sexual health as defined by WHO includes experiences free of coercion, and consent applies in every relationship; research shows consent is often implicit and contextual, which is why checking in matters.

1,6

A pill or supplement can fix intimacy problems without talking

Not enough evidence

Not supported by the sources we read. Persistent problems may have a treatable medical cause, so see a clinician; talking and therapy have the research support for communication.

3,5

Couple therapy rarely works

Moderate certainty

Not supported. A meta-analysis of 58 studies found large gains in relationship satisfaction that were generally maintained, though only opposite-sex couples were studied.

5

Questions people ask

How do I start a conversation about sex with my partner?

Choose a calm, private time away from the bedroom, say in advance what you want to discuss and that you value the closeness, start with something positive, and use 'I' statements. These are practical suggestions rather than a tested script; research shows that the quality of sexual communication matters more than how often you talk (r = .43 vs .31 for relationship satisfaction).

Does talking about sex really improve it?

A meta-analysis of 93 studies found sexual communication was positively associated with sexual satisfaction (r = .43) and relationship satisfaction (r = .37). These are associations, so we cannot say talking causes the improvement.

What does consent mean in a long-term relationship?

Consent still has to be freely given and can be withdrawn at any time. WHO describes sexual health as including experiences free of coercion, discrimination and abuse. Checking in and accepting 'no' or 'not now' protects both people.

What if my partner gets angry when I say no?

Anger, threats, punishment or pressure after a no is a safety concern, not just a communication issue. In the UK, the NHS names the National Domestic Abuse Helpline at 0808 2000 247. In the US, the Office on Women's Health page names a hotline at 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233).

Can a therapist help us talk about intimacy?

Yes. A meta-analysis of 58 studies found couple therapy had a large effect on relationship satisfaction and improved communication and emotional intimacy. The NHS suggests checking professional membership, for example the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists for sex therapists.

I find it too embarrassing to talk. What can I do?

Try writing a note first, reading a reputable guide together, or choosing a side-by-side setting such as a walk. A systematic review of self-help reading for sexual difficulties found indications of benefit, but certainty was very low.

Should I raise sexual problems with my doctor?

Yes, if they keep happening. The NHS says to see a GP or sexual health clinic because they may signal a treatable health condition. Clinics offer free, confidential advice.

Is it normal for partners to want different things?

Differences in desire and preferences are common. Talking about them calmly as a shared issue, rather than as blame, tends to work better, and persistent differences can be explored with a therapist.

Where can I get free sexual health advice?

In the UK, the NHS names GP surgeries and sexual health clinics as free and confidential, and lists a national sexual health helpline at 0300 123 7123. Elsewhere, ask a local clinic or doctor.

Can alcohol help us relax enough to talk?

It is better avoided. Alcohol and other substances can limit someone's ability to consent, and the consent research identifies incapacitation as a common theme in unwanted sexual experiences. Talk when sober.

References

  1. World Health Organization. Sexual health (health topic page). Read 2026-11-01. source
  2. Mallory AB. Dimensions of couples' sexual communication, relationship satisfaction, and sexual satisfaction: A meta-analysis. J Fam Psychol. 2022. PMID 34968095. source
  3. NHS. Erectile dysfunction (impotence). Read 2026-11-01. source
  4. Mallory AB, Stanton AM, Handy AB. Couples' Sexual Communication and Dimensions of Sexual Function: A Meta-Analysis. J Sex Res. 2019. PMID 30777780. source
  5. Roddy MK, et al. Meta-analysis of couple therapy: Effects across outcomes, designs, timeframes, and other moderators. J Consult Clin Psychol. 2020. PMID 32551734. source
  6. Anyadike-Danes N, et al. Defining and Measuring Sexual Consent within the Context of University Students' Unwanted and Nonconsensual Sexual Experiences: A Systematic Literature Review. Trauma Violence Abuse. 2024. PMID 36639939. source
  7. Office on Women's Health (US). Sexual assault and rape. Read 2026-11-01. source
  8. NHS. Help after rape and sexual assault. Read 2026-11-01. source
  9. NHS. Where can I get sexual health advice now? Read 2026-11-01. source
  10. van Lankveld JJDM, et al. Bibliotherapy for Sexual Dysfunctions: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. J Sex Med. 2021. PMID 33547017. source

Related on AlternativeMed

Related goals

Understand Changes in Sexual Desire → Support Healthy Erectile Function → Address Arousal Difficulties → Understand Orgasm Concerns → Manage Vaginal Dryness → Address Discomfort During Sex → Manage Sexual Performance Anxiety → Build Emotional & Physical Connection → Understand How Medicines Affect Sexual Wellbeing → Feel More Connected to Others → Understand & Manage Your Emotions →

Research, safety and claim-check resources

Therapy for anxiety and stress → Men's health: when to get help → Women's health: when to get help → Understand hormone tests → Stress and relaxation →