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Improve Sexual Wellbeing & Intimacy

Build Emotional & Physical Connection

Feeling close to a partner is about more than sex: it grows from affection, time together, feeling listened to and trying things side by side. This page is about everyday closeness for adults in any kind of relationship, and it points to the other pages in this category for desire, comfort, performance worries, talking and medicines.

General information, not medical advice. Last updated November 1, 2026. Written by the AlternativeMed editorial team. Not medically reviewed.

Start here

  • Add small moments of warm touch and attention that do not have to lead anywhere, such as a hug, holding hands, sitting close or a few unhurried minutes of cuddling or talking after you have been intimate.
  • Set aside regular time together without phones, and use part of it for something a little new or playful rather than the usual routine.
  • Say one honest thing about how you feel or what you would enjoy, and ask your partner the same, then listen without rushing to fix or defend.

Be careful with

  • Closeness only works when both people want it. Touch and intimacy should always be welcome, and either person can say no or stop at any time without having to explain.
  • Lost interest in closeness, pain, or sexual difficulties can have medical, hormonal, medicine-related or mental-health causes. Do not push through pain, and do not stop or change a prescribed medicine on your own: talk to the prescriber.
  • Pills, powders and 'male enhancement' or 'libido' supplements sold online can contain hidden drugs and are not a route to closeness. Talk to a clinician or pharmacist first.

Get help when

  • Pain during intimacy, bleeding, a sudden change in desire or in how your body responds, or sexual problems that keep happening: see a GP, sexual health clinic or other clinician (the NHS advises a non-urgent visit when problems persist).
  • You feel unsafe, pressured, controlled or frightened in a relationship, or intimacy has been forced on you. In England and Wales the NHS names a free 24-hour rape and sexual abuse support line (Rape Crisis, 0808 500 2222) and says to dial 999 in an emergency. Elsewhere, ask a clinician or local support service.
  • Low mood, loss of interest in things you used to enjoy, constant worry, or any thoughts of harming yourself: speak to a doctor soon, and if you may act on thoughts of self-harm, contact emergency services or a local crisis line now.
  • Possible signs of a sexually transmitted infection, such as unusual discharge, pain when peeing, sores, warts, rashes or itching around the genitals or anus, or a new partner and no recent test.

About Build Emotional & Physical Connection

What this goal means

Emotional and physical connection means feeling known, safe and cared for with another person, and expressing that through words, time together and touch. For many couples this includes sex, but it does not have to. MedlinePlus says that love, affection and sexual intimacy all play a role in healthy relationships and add to wellbeing.

This page covers closeness beyond intercourse: affection, shared experiences, honest conversation and rebuilding closeness when it has slipped. Sexual desire, arousal, orgasm, pain, performance worries, how to start difficult conversations and medicine side effects each have their own page.

1

What it can feel like

Many people notice closeness fading as life fills up with work, caring for others and tiredness: conversations turn into logistics, touch becomes rare or only a prelude to sex, and one or both partners start to feel lonely together. Others feel close emotionally but awkward physically, or the reverse.

None of this is a sign that a relationship has failed. It is a common pattern, and small, repeated changes usually help more than a single grand gesture.

2,3

What can affect closeness

The NHS lists relationship problems; stress, anxiety or depression; sexual problems such as erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness; pregnancy and having a baby; lower hormone levels with age, especially around menopause; some medicines and hormonal contraception; and heavy drinking as common reasons for a lower sex drive. It also notes that heart disease, diabetes, an underactive thyroid and cancer can affect it.

MedlinePlus adds fear of unplanned pregnancy, worries about infertility, sexually transmitted infections and chronic diseases to the list of things that can make it harder to have or enjoy sex.

3,1

Conditions that can be involved

Persistent loss of closeness or interest, pain, or problems with erections or arousal can be linked to relationship difficulties, depression or anxiety, hormonal changes, long-term illness or medicines. Treatment depends on the cause, which is why an assessment matters. The NHS gives the example of relationship counselling for relationship problems, and says changing a medicine, or discussing options for a health condition, may also help.

3,4

Realistic expectations

Most of the research on closeness is observational (it finds links, not proof of cause) or comes from short experiments. In a series of experiments, couples who did a 7-minute novel and arousing task together rated their relationship quality higher afterwards than couples who did a mundane task. In a daily-diary study of 101 couples, longer and more satisfying affection after sex was linked with higher sexual and relationship satisfaction three months later. These are encouraging, but they are not guarantees.

Couple therapy trials show that structured professional help can improve relationship satisfaction, but gains were smaller at 6 months than right after treatment. Expect closeness to be something you keep tending, not fix once.

2,5,6

Who this applies to

Adults in any kind of relationship, whatever their gender, orientation, age or ability, and people who are dating or between relationships and want to understand what closeness involves. Research in partnered older adults found that continuing sexual desire, activity and function were linked with higher wellbeing, with different patterns for women and men, which is a reminder that closeness matters at every age but looks different for everyone.

If your main concern is desire, arousal, orgasm, pain, performance anxiety, talking about intimacy or medicine side effects, see the linked goals.

7

Related conditions and symptoms

Anxiety disorders → Trauma-related stress and PTSD → Erectile dysfunction → Perimenopause and menopause →

A manageable starting plan

An educational starting point, not a personal prescription. Adjust it to your own situation and any advice from your clinician.

Your first actions

  • Pick one small thing this week, such as a daily hug, a few minutes of cuddling or talking after intimacy, or a phone-free evening.
  • Share one honest thing you appreciate and one thing you would like, and ask your partner the same.
  • Plan one new thing to do together within the next two weeks.

Optional additions

  • Try a different form of intimacy, such as massage or time in bed just to talk.
  • Read the linked pages on communication, desire and comfort together.
  • Book a visit with a GP, sexual health clinic or counsellor if problems persist.

What to track

  • How many days this week you had a moment of unhurried affection or conversation.
  • How each of you feels about closeness, rated simply from 1 to 5, once a week.
  • Any pain, medicine changes or low mood you want to mention to a clinician.

When to reassess

Give new habits four to six weeks. If closeness has not improved, if either of you is unhappy, or if pain, low mood or other symptoms are involved, talk to a clinician or counsellor rather than carrying on alone.

When to seek professional support

  • See a GP or sexual health clinic for pain, bleeding, sudden changes, medicine concerns or STI testing.
  • Consider couples counselling or sex therapy with a registered practitioner.
  • Use specialist services if intimacy has involved pressure, fear or abuse.

What helps

Ordered by how well the research supports each step. Evidence strength is shown on every card; precautions sit next to the advice.

Start here

Warm, non-sexual touch and affection

Low certainty

Addresses: Tends to go with feeling closer and lower stress, though cause and effect are not proven

Why it may help: A review by Jakubiak and Feeney proposes that receiving affectionate touch can support relationship, psychological and physical wellbeing, partly by reducing stress, and reviews the existing research. In a study of 59 premenopausal women, more frequent partner hugs were linked with higher oxytocin and lower blood pressure and heart rate. This was an association, not a trial.

How to apply it: Build in touch that has no pressure attached: a hug when you part and meet, holding hands, sitting close, a back rub, or cuddling on the sofa. Check in lightly ('Is this nice?') and stop if it is not welcome.

Who it may suit: Couples and partners who both welcome touch, including those who rarely touch outside of sex.

Precautions: Touch must be wanted by both people. Some people find touch hard because of past trauma, sensory differences, pain or illness; go at the pace of the person who is more cautious, and see the help section if touch causes distress. The research is mostly observational and does not prove that hugging causes better health.

8,9

Feel More Connected to Others →

Affection after intimacy

Low certainty

Addresses: Linked with higher sexual and relationship satisfaction

Why it may help: In two studies by Muise and colleagues (a survey of 335 people and a daily-experience study of 101 couples with a 3-month follow-up), longer and better-quality affection after sex, such as cuddling, caressing and talking, was linked with higher sexual and relationship satisfaction, for men and women. The link with relationship satisfaction was stronger for women in the survey.

How to apply it: After being intimate, stay close for a while: cuddle, talk, laugh or simply lie together, rather than turning straight to a phone or leaving. Even a few minutes is a start.

Who it may suit: Partners who are sexually intimate and want the time afterwards to feel warmer.

Precautions: The studies were of established couples and show links, not proof. If sex is painful, unwanted or followed by distress, affection afterwards is not the answer; see a clinician or counsellor.

5

Honest, kind conversation about feelings and wishes

Moderate certainty

Addresses: Higher communication quality goes with higher relationship and sexual satisfaction

Why it may help: A meta-analysis of 93 studies (38,499 people in relationships) found positive links between sexual communication and both relationship satisfaction (r = 0.37) and sexual satisfaction (r = 0.43), and the quality of communication mattered more than how often couples talked. These are correlations: happier couples may also simply talk more easily.

How to apply it: Pick a calm moment (not in bed, not during an argument). Start with something you appreciate, then share one wish or worry using 'I' statements, and ask your partner what they would like. Listen first, and thank them for being honest.

Who it may suit: Anyone in a relationship, including couples who find these conversations awkward.

Precautions: If conversations turn into repeated arguments, or you feel unsafe or afraid to speak, consider a counsellor, and in cases of abuse seek support services rather than trying to talk it through alone.

10,11

Communicate More Comfortably About Intimacy →

Additional options

Do something new and a bit exciting together

Low certainty

Addresses: Short-term lift in how the relationship feels

Why it may help: In three laboratory experiments and two surveys, Aron and colleagues found that couples who took part in a 7-minute novel and arousing task together reported greater increases in relationship quality than couples doing a mundane task. Surveys found that shared exciting activities were linked with relationship satisfaction and less boredom.

How to apply it: Try something neither of you does regularly: a new walk, a dance or cooking class, a game, a short trip, a shared challenge. It does not need to be expensive or romantic.

Who it may suit: Couples who feel stuck in routine or bored.

Precautions: The experiments were short and used volunteers, so lasting effects are unknown. Choose activities you can both do safely and comfortably, taking into account health, pain, mobility and finances.

2

Protected time together without screens

Not enough evidence

Addresses: Gives closeness a chance to grow; the benefit is plausible rather than proven for this exact step

Why it may help: The studies above link shared time, novelty, affection and good communication with closer relationships, and all of them need time and attention. We did not find a trial that tests phone-free time on its own for closeness, so this step is a practical way to make room for the others rather than a proven treatment.

How to apply it: Choose a regular slot, such as a weekly evening or a morning coffee, and put phones away. Plan it so it does not depend on energy left over at the end of the day.

Who it may suit: Busy couples and parents, and people whose time together is mostly spent on tasks.

Precautions: Be flexible when caring duties, shift work or illness make this hard, and avoid turning it into another source of pressure.

2

Switch Off After Work →

Widen what counts as intimacy

Not enough evidence

Addresses: Keeps closeness going when intercourse is difficult, painful or not wanted

Why it may help: The NHS notes that low sex drive often has several causes, including stress, relationship problems, medicines and health conditions, and that treatment depends on the cause. MedlinePlus describes love, affection and sexual intimacy as parts of a healthy relationship. Together these support staying close in ways that do not depend on intercourse, although we did not find a trial that tests this approach directly.

How to apply it: Agree that touch, kissing, massage, bathing together, talking in bed or sharing a meal all count as intimacy. Take the pressure off intercourse as the goal, and keep exploring what feels good to both of you.

Who it may suit: Couples dealing with pain, erection difficulties, tiredness, illness, a new baby, menopause or reduced desire.

Precautions: This does not replace assessing pain, desire or arousal problems that persist; see a clinician. Never use it to pressure a partner into more than they want.

3,1

Address Discomfort During Sex → Understand Changes in Sexual Desire →

Couples counselling or relationship therapy

Moderate certainty

Addresses: Improves relationship satisfaction for many distressed couples, with smaller gains over time

Why it may help: A meta-analysis of 33 randomised trials (2,730 participants) found medium improvements in relationship satisfaction right after behavioural couple therapy and emotionally focused couples therapy (g = 0.60 overall), smaller at 6 months (g = 0.44), and no lasting effect for behavioural couple therapy at 12 months. The authors warn of possible publication bias. The NHS says counselling can help with relationship problems and can be done as a couple.

How to apply it: Ask a GP about local options, look for a counsellor on a register accredited by the Professional Standards Authority (such as BACP), or use a charity or employer service. NHS counselling usually involves 8 to 16 sessions.

Who it may suit: Couples whose distance, conflict or hurt feels too big to handle alone.

Precautions: Couples counselling is not suitable when there is abuse or coercion; seek specialist support first. Therapy needs both people to take part.

6,11

Therapy for anxiety and stress →

Still being studied

Mindfulness-based approaches for sexual distress

Moderate certainty

Addresses: Promising for reducing sexual distress, mainly studied in women

Why it may help: A 2026 network meta-analysis of 45 studies (4,726 women) found that mindfulness-based interventions, cognitive behavioural therapy, sex education and counselling improved sexual function scores compared with usual care or control. Mindfulness-based interventions ranked highest for reducing sexual distress. The authors say the evidence base is incomplete because some interventions had few trials and approaches varied.

How to apply it: Mindfulness courses and sex therapy that includes mindfulness are delivered by trained professionals. Ask a GP or a qualified sex therapist what is available locally.

Who it may suit: Women who feel distressed about sexual wellbeing; evidence for men and for same-sex couples was not covered by this review.

Precautions: Mindfulness can be uncomfortable for some people with trauma histories; look for a trauma-informed practitioner. This is not a way to override pain or lack of desire.

12

Mindfulness and meditation for stress →

Whether more frequent sex makes couples closer

Mixed findings

Addresses: Unclear; links exist but frequency alone is not the point

Why it may help: In partnered older adults in the English Longitudinal Study of Ageing, continuing desire, activity and function were linked with higher wellbeing, and the pattern differed between women and men (desire and frequency mattered more for women, function for men). These are associations, and healthier or happier people may simply be more sexually active.

How to apply it: Rather than counting how often, focus on whether you both feel satisfied, connected and unpressured. If either of you is unhappy with the level of intimacy, use the conversation steps above.

Who it may suit: Couples who worry about 'how often' they should be intimate.

Precautions: There is no right number, and pressure to match a figure can reduce closeness.

7,5

Food & nutrition

Food as a way to share time

We did not find evidence that any food or diet builds emotional or physical closeness. What a meal can do is create regular, unhurried time together, which fits with the research linking shared experiences and attention to relationship quality.

Cooking together, a weekly dinner without screens or breakfast in bed are ways to make time, not treatments.

  • Plan one meal a week that you prepare or share together.
  • Keep the focus on being together rather than on special 'aphrodisiac' foods, which we did not find reliable human evidence for.
2

Alcohol and heavy meals

The NHS lists heavy drinking as a possible contributor to low sex drive and occasional erection problems. If alcohol is part of your date routine, consider alternatives that leave you both more present.

3,4

Remedies & supplements

Traditional use, laboratory findings and human trials are kept apart. "Natural" does not mean safe.

'Male enhancement', 'libido' and sexual-wellness supplements

Evidence against

Studied form and route: Pills, capsules, powders, drinks and herbal blends sold in shops and online

Intended outcome: Marketed for desire, performance and stamina; not shown to build emotional or physical closeness

Human evidence: We did not find human trials in the sources we read showing that such products improve closeness. The FDA says many of these products are likely to be contaminated with dangerous hidden ingredients and are not guaranteed to work.

Limits: The FDA notes that its public list covers only a small fraction of contaminated products, so a product's absence from the list does not make it safe. Single herbs are covered on their own pages and are rated by the evidence there.

Interactions and precautions: Hidden ingredients can cause serious harm, especially in people with heart disease or those who take certain heart medicines. Always talk to a health professional before trying a new product, and report a serious reaction to the FDA or the equivalent agency in your country. Not suitable in pregnancy or breastfeeding without a clinician's advice.

13,4

Testosterone boosters and male-enhancement products: claim check → Medicine interactions →

Therapies & care

Closeness grows mainly through everyday habits, but a counsellor, sex therapist or clinician can help when conflict, pain, low mood or sexual difficulties get in the way. Professional care also matters when intimacy has been affected by trauma or abuse.

Couples counselling and relationship therapy

Moderate certainty

Talking therapy A meta-analysis of 33 randomised trials found medium improvements in relationship satisfaction right after therapy, smaller at 6 months. The NHS says counselling can help with relationship problems and can be done as a couple, usually over 8 to 16 sessions.

Who it may suit: Couples who feel distant, stuck in conflict or hurt, and want a structured space to talk.

Precautions: Not a safe choice where there is abuse or coercion. Choose an accredited counsellor, and be aware that gains may fade without continued effort.

6,11

Therapy for anxiety and stress →

Sex therapy and psychological approaches for sexual concerns

Moderate certainty

Talking therapy A 2026 network meta-analysis of 45 studies in women found that sex education, cognitive behavioural therapy, mindfulness-based interventions and sexual counselling improved sexual function scores compared with usual care or control, and that mindfulness-based approaches ranked highest for reducing sexual distress. The review did not cover men in detail.

Who it may suit: People distressed by sexual difficulties, performance worries or disconnection from their own body or partner.

Precautions: Look for a trained, registered practitioner. Therapy does not replace a medical assessment of pain, bleeding or sudden change.

12

Manage Sexual Performance Anxiety →

Medical assessment by a GP or sexual health clinic

High certainty

Clinical care The NHS advises seeing a GP if you are worried about low sex drive, think a medicine or hormonal contraception is affecting it, or if it does not return to normal after pregnancy. Treatment depends on the cause and can include counselling, changing a medicine or addressing a health condition.

Who it may suit: Anyone with ongoing pain, change in desire or response, or worry about a health condition or medicine.

Precautions: Treatments are decided by a clinician; do not stop prescribed medicines on your own. Sexual health clinics can offer STI testing, usually without a GP referral.

3,14

Erectile dysfunction → Vaginal dryness and sexual wellness →

Specialist support after sexual violence or abuse

High certainty

Support service The NHS says sexual assault referral centres offer medical, practical and emotional support to anyone who has been raped, sexually assaulted or abused, whatever their gender or age and whenever it happened. It names the Rape Crisis support line (free, 24 hours, 0808 500 2222) and the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247), and says to dial 999 in an emergency.

Who it may suit: Anyone for whom touch or intimacy is linked to fear, pressure, past abuse or trauma.

Precautions: These numbers are for England and Wales. Elsewhere, ask a health professional for local services.

15

Trauma-related stress and PTSD →

What to avoid

Habits, products and claims that can get in the way. Never stop a prescribed medicine without talking to the professional who prescribed it.

Risks that apply to most people

Pressuring a partner for touch or sex

High certainty

Why: Consent is part of wellbeing, and intimacy that is pressured, coerced or guilt-driven undermines trust. The NHS states plainly that sexual violence is a crime and that survivors are not at fault.

Who it applies to: Everyone in a relationship, whatever the length or history.

Try instead: Ask, listen and accept a no with warmth. Offer other ways of being close, and keep the choice with each person.

15

Letting closeness depend only on intercourse

Low certainty

Why: The NHS and MedlinePlus describe many causes for changes in desire and sexual function, from stress and medicines to hormonal changes and illness. If intimacy is only intercourse, any of these can leave a couple disconnected for long periods.

Who it applies to: Couples dealing with pain, erection or arousal difficulties, parenting, illness or menopause.

Try instead: Keep affection, talk and shared time going, and see a clinician about what is getting in the way.

3,1

Personal triggers to check

Heavy drinking around intimacy

Moderate certainty

Why: The NHS lists drinking too much alcohol as a possible cause of low sex drive, and lists heavy drinking among causes of occasional erection problems. It can also make consent and communication less clear.

Who it applies to: Anyone who uses alcohol to relax before intimacy or to cope with awkwardness.

Try instead: Try other ways to relax together, such as a walk, a shared meal or a massage, and talk to a clinician if drinking feels hard to cut down.

3,4

Unprotected sex with a new partner, or without a recent check

High certainty

Why: The NHS says many sexually transmitted infections have no symptoms, so you can have one without knowing, and the only way to be sure is to get tested. It advises not having sex, including oral sex, without a condom or dental dam until you have been checked.

Who it applies to: New or non-exclusive partnerships, and anyone who has not been tested recently.

Try instead: Use a condom or dental dam, and get tested at a sexual health clinic. Tests may not show an infection for up to 7 weeks after sex.

14

Products that need caution

'Male enhancement', 'libido' and 'natural' sexual-performance pills

Evidence against

Why: The FDA says many products sold for sexual enhancement or sexual dysfunction, including those labelled as natural dietary supplements, are likely to contain dangerous hidden ingredients, are not guaranteed to work, and can cause severe health problems and hospitalisation. The NHS also warns that medicines bought online may be fake or unregulated.

Who it applies to: Anyone tempted by online or shop-counter pills to improve intimacy.

Try instead: See a doctor first. If you do buy anything online, the NHS advises checking that the pharmacy is registered with the GPhC and that doctors are registered with the GMC.

13,4

Testosterone boosters and male-enhancement products: claim check →

Unsupported claims

'There is a normal amount of sex a healthy couple should have'

Low certainty

Why: We did not find a source that sets a correct frequency. Studies link satisfaction with desire, function, affection and communication, not with hitting a number, and the patterns differ between women and men.

Who it applies to: Anyone comparing themselves with statistics or other couples.

Try instead: Decide together what feels right for you, and talk to a clinician if a change in desire worries either of you.

7,5

'Low desire or closeness means the relationship is over'

Moderate certainty

Why: The NHS lists many causes of low sex drive, including stress, medicines, hormonal changes, pregnancy and having a baby, illness and relationship problems, and says treatment depends on the cause.

Who it applies to: Partners who feel rejected or guilty about changes in interest.

Try instead: Treat it as something to understand together and, if it persists, to bring to a clinician or counsellor.

3

Common mistakes

Avoiding the subject until resentment builds

Moderate certainty

Why: In the meta-analysis of 93 studies, the quality of sexual communication had stronger links with satisfaction than how often couples talked, which suggests that speaking kindly and clearly matters more than speaking often.

Who it applies to: Couples who feel embarrassed or fear hurting each other.

Try instead: Start with something small and positive, choose a calm time, and keep conversations short and kind. Read the linked communication goal for ideas.

10

Communicate More Comfortably About Intimacy →

Pushing through pain or ignoring a medicine side effect

Moderate certainty

Why: The NHS says low sex drive can be linked to some medicines, including those for high blood pressure and antidepressants, and to hormonal contraception, and advises seeing a GP if you think a medicine is affecting you. Pain with intimacy is a reason for assessment rather than endurance.

Who it applies to: Anyone who notices a change after starting or changing a medicine, or who feels pain during touch or sex.

Try instead: Do not stop a prescribed medicine on your own. Talk to the prescriber or pharmacist, who can discuss options.

3

Understand How Medicines Affect Sexual Wellbeing →

Evidence & safety

What the research shows

The best-supported conclusions are that good communication, affection and shared experiences are linked with higher relationship and sexual satisfaction, and that professional couple therapy can improve relationship satisfaction for distressed couples. Much of the evidence is observational or comes from short experiments, so it shows links rather than proof, and few studies look at same-sex couples, people with disabilities or non-Western cultures.

Limits of the evidence

  • Most studies of touch, affection, communication and sex are correlational: happier couples may do these things more, rather than the things making couples happier.
  • The novelty experiments were short and used volunteers; long-term effects are unknown.
  • Couple therapy gains were smaller at 6 months than after treatment, and one analysis found no lasting effect for behavioural couple therapy at 12 months.
  • The review of psychological therapies for sexual function covered women only, and the authors describe the evidence base as incomplete.
  • We did not find a trial showing that phone-free time, widening the definition of intimacy or any specific food or supplement builds closeness.

Precautions and interactions

  • Consent applies to every kind of touch; either person can say no or stop at any time.
  • Do not use 'enhancement' pills or supplements as a shortcut: the FDA warns of hidden drug ingredients, and unregulated online medicines may be fake.
  • Do not stop, reduce or change a prescribed medicine because of sexual side effects; discuss it with the prescriber.
  • Use a condom or dental dam with new partners and get tested; many STIs have no symptoms.

Life-stage considerations

  • Older adults: continuing desire and activity were linked with wellbeing in an English study of partnered older people, but closeness also matters when sex changes or stops; talk to a clinician about pain, medicines and health conditions.
  • Pregnancy and after birth: the NHS lists pregnancy and having a baby among reasons sex drive can change; closeness through touch and talk can continue, and ongoing problems should be raised with a midwife, GP or health visitor.
  • Menopause and hormonal changes: lower hormone levels can affect desire and comfort, and treatments can be discussed with a clinician.
  • Young people: this page is for adults. Under-18s can use confidential sexual health services; the NHS lists them for advice.

Warning signs

  • Pain, bleeding or a sudden change in desire or physical response.
  • An erection that does not go away: see urgent care. We did not find this specific warning on the pages we read, so ask a clinician or local emergency service if it happens.
  • Fear, pressure, control or violence in a relationship, or any intimacy that is forced.
  • Symptoms of a sexually transmitted infection, or a new partner with no recent test.
  • Low mood, loss of interest, hopelessness or thoughts of self-harm.

Claim checks

Hugging and cuddling lower blood pressure and make you healthier

Low certainty

One study of 59 premenopausal women linked more frequent partner hugs with higher oxytocin and lower blood pressure and heart rate, and a review proposes ways touch may support wellbeing, but the research is mostly observational. Treat it as promising, not proven.

9,8

Doing something exciting together brings couples closer

Low certainty

In five studies, shared novel and arousing activities were linked with, or produced short-term increases in, relationship quality. Long-term effects were not tested.

2

Natural 'enhancement' supplements are safe and improve intimacy

Evidence against

The FDA says products marketed for sexual enhancement, including those labelled natural supplements, are likely to be contaminated with dangerous hidden ingredients and are not guaranteed to work. 'Natural' is not the same as safe.

13

Couples therapy permanently fixes relationship problems

Moderate certainty

A meta-analysis of randomised trials found medium improvements right after therapy, smaller at 6 months, and no maintained effect at 12 months for behavioural couple therapy. Therapy can help, but closeness needs ongoing attention.

6

Questions people ask

Is it normal to feel less close to my partner over time?

Yes. Stress, work, caring for others, tiredness and health changes can all pull people apart. In a series of experiments, a short novel shared activity raised couples' ratings of relationship quality, which suggests that closeness responds to attention and new experiences. If distance lasts or hurts, talk to your partner or a counsellor.

Does intimacy have to include sex?

No. MedlinePlus describes love, affection and sexual intimacy as parts of a healthy relationship. Many people feel close through touch, talk, shared time and humour, and some couples are close without intercourse because of choice, pain, illness or age.

What if my partner and I want different amounts of closeness or sex?

This is common. The NHS lists many causes for changes in desire, including stress, relationship problems, medicines and health conditions. Talk openly, avoid blame, and consider a counsellor if the gap causes pain. Research links better communication quality with higher satisfaction, but it does not set a right amount.

How do I start the conversation without hurting my partner?

Choose a calm moment outside the bedroom, begin with something you value, then describe how you feel and what you would like using 'I' statements. Ask what they think and listen. See the linked page on communicating about intimacy for more ideas.

Can medicines affect how close I feel?

The NHS says some medicines, such as those for high blood pressure and antidepressants, and hormonal contraception, can lower sex drive. Do not stop a prescribed medicine on your own; talk to the prescriber or a pharmacist, who can discuss options.

Do libido or 'male enhancement' supplements help?

We did not find reliable evidence that they build closeness, and the FDA warns that many such products contain dangerous hidden drug ingredients. Talk to a health professional before trying anything.

Does touch really improve wellbeing?

A review proposes that affectionate touch can support wellbeing, and one study linked more frequent partner hugs with lower blood pressure in women, but most research is observational. Touch that both people want is a low-risk way to feel closer.

When should we think about couples counselling?

When conflict, distance or hurt feels hard to handle alone. Trials show couple therapy improves relationship satisfaction on average, though the gains were smaller by 6 months. It is not suitable when there is abuse or coercion; seek specialist support instead.

What if touch or intimacy makes me anxious or uncomfortable?

That is a valid reason to slow down. Past trauma, pain, low mood, anxiety or sensory differences can all play a part. Talk to a clinician or a trauma-informed therapist, and see the linked pages on anxiety, trauma and performance anxiety. If intimacy has ever been forced on you, specialist services are listed above.

Do I need an STI test if we are in a new relationship?

The NHS says many STIs have no symptoms, so the only way to know is to get tested, and it advises using a condom or dental dam until you have been checked. Sexual health clinics usually do not need a GP referral.

References

  1. MedlinePlus. Sexual Health (last updated 30 September 2024). Read 2026-11-01. source
  2. Aron A, Norman CC, Aron EN, et al. Couples' shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2000. PMID 10707334. source
  3. NHS. Low sex drive (loss of libido) (page last reviewed 26 May 2026). Read 2026-11-01. source
  4. NHS. Erectile dysfunction (impotence) (page last reviewed 28 July 2023). Read 2026-11-01. source
  5. Muise A, Giang E, Impett EA. Post sex affectionate exchanges promote sexual and relationship satisfaction. Arch Sex Behav. 2014. PMID 24777441. source
  6. Rathgeber M, Bürkner PC, Schiller EM, et al. The efficacy of emotionally focused couples therapy and behavioral couples therapy: a meta-analysis. J Marital Fam Ther. 2019. PMID 29781200. source
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Related on AlternativeMed

Related goals

Understand Changes in Sexual Desire → Address Arousal Difficulties → Understand Orgasm Concerns → Manage Vaginal Dryness → Address Discomfort During Sex → Manage Sexual Performance Anxiety → Communicate More Comfortably About Intimacy → Understand How Medicines Affect Sexual Wellbeing → Feel More Connected to Others → Reduce Loneliness → Practice Self-Compassion → Switch Off After Work →

Research, safety and claim-check resources

Improve Sexual Wellbeing & Intimacy → Testosterone boosters and male-enhancement products: claim check → Therapy for anxiety and stress → Mindfulness and meditation for stress → Medicine interactions →