Skip to content
AlternativeMed
Feel more connected to others: a wooden table by a sunny window set for two, with two ceramic cups of tea, a small plate of sliced fruit, blank cream postcards and a jar of wildflowers

Improve Your Mood & Emotional Wellbeing

Feel More Connected to Others

Feeling close to other people, with friends, family, neighbours or a community, is one of the most studied parts of wellbeing, and there are simple, well-tested habits that can help you build it. This page is about building and deepening everyday relationships and social skills; loneliness and isolation have their own page.

General information, not medical advice. Last updated October 31, 2026. Written by the AlternativeMed editorial team. Not medically reviewed.

Start here

  • Reach out to one person this week, ideally by voice (a call or video chat) rather than only a message, and suggest a regular time to talk or meet.
  • Say hello and make small talk with people you already cross paths with, such as neighbours, colleagues or a person in a queue. Brief friendly contact counts.
  • Join one regular shared activity, such as a group, class, volunteering role or weekly meal, so connection becomes part of your routine instead of something you have to organise each time.

Be careful with

  • Feeling disconnected is common and is not a personal failing. If meeting people brings intense fear of being judged, or you avoid social situations, that can be social anxiety, which is treatable. See the care tab and talk to a doctor.
  • Low mood that lasts for two weeks or more, losing interest in things you usually enjoy, or any thoughts of harming yourself need a doctor or a crisis line, not more self-help.
  • No herb or supplement has been shown to improve connection. St John's wort in particular can interfere with many medicines, so ask a pharmacist or doctor first, and never stop a prescribed medicine on your own.

Get help when

  • A strong, long-lasting fear of social situations, worry before, during and after them, or avoiding things like parties, group conversations or phone calls. The NHS describes this as social anxiety, more than shyness, and says a GP can help and you can often self-refer to talking therapies.
  • Low mood, hopelessness or loss of interest in things you used to enjoy that last for weeks. The NIMH says depression involves symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for at least 2 weeks. Pulling away from friends can be one of the signs (NHS).
  • Feeling lonely a lot of the time even when you are around people, or feeling that no one understands you, especially if it is affecting your sleep, work or health.
  • Thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life. In the US the NIMH names the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) and 911 for life-threatening situations. In the UK the NHS names Samaritans on 116 123 and says to call 999 or go to A&E if you cannot keep yourself safe. Elsewhere, contact your local emergency services.

About Feel More Connected to Others

What this goal means

Feeling connected means having people you can talk to, trust and share experiences with, and feeling that you belong somewhere. The NHS says good relationships help build a sense of belonging and self-worth, give a chance to share positive experiences, and provide emotional support and a chance to support others.

This page is about the everyday skills and habits that build that closeness: starting conversations, going a little deeper, keeping in touch, joining groups and giving time to others. It is a separate topic from loneliness, which is the painful feeling of lacking connection and has its own page.

1,2

What disconnection can feel like

Common experiences are feeling like an outsider, having plenty of contacts but few people to confide in, finding it hard to start or keep up friendships, feeling awkward in conversation, or drifting apart after a move, a new job or a change in life stage.

The NHS notes that loneliness is subjective and personal. You can feel lonely in a busy place or with other people around, and you can be alone and content. It describes emotional loneliness (no close attachment), social loneliness (no friends who share your interests) and a sense of being alone in a room full of people.

2

What can get in the way

Life changes can loosen connections. The NHS lists leaving for university, being at home with a newborn, a long-term health condition, becoming a full-time carer, and bereavement or a break-up among the things that can leave people feeling lonely or isolated.

Our own expectations can also get in the way. In several experiments, people expected that talking to a stranger would be awkward, that others would not want to talk, and that they would not be liked, but the actual experiences were better than predicted. Those studies were largely done with volunteers in controlled settings, so they show a common mistaken expectation rather than a cure for every kind of difficulty.

Persistent fear of judgement, low mood and some health problems, such as hearing loss that makes conversations tiring, can also make connecting harder. These are worth checking rather than pushing through alone.

2,3,4,5,6

Why it matters

A large meta-analysis of 148 studies (308,849 participants) found that people with stronger social relationships had a 50% greater likelihood of survival over the follow-up periods (odds ratio 1.50), and the authors said the effect is comparable with well-established risk factors for death. A second meta-analysis found that social isolation, loneliness and living alone were each linked with a 26% to 32% higher likelihood of dying earlier.

Be careful with what that means. These are observational studies, which show association rather than proving that more connection causes longer life, and in the second review the person's initial health status influenced the findings. People who are unwell may also find it harder to stay connected. Higher marital or partner relationship quality has also been linked with better health, but the effects were small.

7,8,9,10

When it is more than a social skills question

The NHS describes social anxiety as more than shyness: a long-term, overwhelming fear of social situations that affects everyday activities, self-confidence, relationships and work or school life. It is treatable, and a GP can help.

Pulling away from friends and fewer social activities can also be a sign of depression (NHS). The NIMH says a depression diagnosis needs symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for at least 2 weeks. Only a clinician can tell what is going on, so this page does not try to. If you ever feel unsafe, the NHS urgent-help page names Samaritans (116 123), 111 and 999, and the NIMH names 988 and 911.

6,11,12,13

Realistic expectations

Closer relationships grow slowly, usually through repeated small contacts. The NHS notes it can be harder for people who have felt lonely for a while to be open to connecting, so friendly contact may need time and more than one try.

Most trials of ways to feel less lonely show small to medium effects on average (for example, a meta-analysis of 28 trials of psychological interventions found an average effect of g = 0.43), and results vary a lot from person to person. Expect gradual change, not a sudden shift.

2,14

Who this applies to

Adults who would like closer or more frequent connection, including people who have moved, changed jobs, retired, become parents or carers, or lost touch with friends. If the main difficulty is the feeling of loneliness itself, see Reduce Loneliness. If you mostly need to manage strong emotions, irritability, self-criticism or life changes, see the linked goals. Children and teenagers may need support from a parent, school or paediatric clinician.

2

Related conditions and symptoms

Anxiety disorders → Stress, anxiety, burnout and depression: how they differ → Hearing and vision changes →

A manageable starting plan

An educational starting point, not a personal prescription. Adjust it to your own situation and any advice from your clinician.

Your first actions

  • Pick one person this week and contact them by voice, with a plan for the next time you will talk or meet.
  • Add small daily contacts: a greeting, a short chat or a thank-you to someone you pass.
  • Join or schedule one regular shared activity (a class, club, volunteer shift or weekly meal).

Optional additions

  • Try a deeper question or a more personal share with someone you trust.
  • Start a short daily mindfulness or loving-kindness practice.
  • Write down what you expected from a social moment and what actually happened.
  • Look for a CBT-based course or therapist if worry about being judged is limiting you.

What to track

  • How many people you spoke to this week, and how many of those conversations were by voice or in person.
  • How you feel before and after social contact, and which activities left you feeling better.
  • Any avoidance, low mood, poor sleep or changes in alcohol use.

When to reassess

Give new habits a few weeks and keep them small enough to repeat. If after 4 to 8 weeks you still feel cut off, if social situations bring strong fear, or if your mood is low, speak to a doctor or therapist. Persistent change takes time; it is fine to adjust the plan.

When to seek professional support

  • See a doctor if fear of social situations is stopping you from doing things, or if low mood has lasted for weeks.
  • Talk to someone you trust about how you feel. Many people feel the same way and often do not say so.
  • Seek urgent help for thoughts of harming yourself: in the US call or text 988 (911 in danger); in the UK call Samaritans on 116 123, or 999 in an emergency; elsewhere use local emergency services.

What helps

Ordered by how well the research supports each step. Evidence strength is shown on every card; precautions sit next to the advice.

Start here

Reconnect by voice, not only by message

Low certainty

Addresses: Tends to create a stronger bond than text, with no more awkwardness

Why it may help: In experiments by Kumar and Epley, people asked to reconnect with an old friend by phone, and strangers asked to chat over video or voice, felt stronger social bonds than those who used e-mail or text chat, and did not find it more awkward. People had expected the opposite, so they tended to choose text. The NHS also advises not to rely on technology or social media alone to build relationships, while saying video-chat apps are useful when you live far apart.

How to apply it: Pick one person you have lost touch with, or a friend you usually only message, and call or video-chat for a few minutes. Suggest a regular slot, such as a weekly call.

Who it may suit: Most adults, including people who live far from family and friends.

Precautions: The research was short-term and used volunteers, mostly in laboratory or online settings. If calls cause strong anxiety, start with a message, and see the social anxiety item in the care tab.

15,1

Reduce Loneliness →

Make the most of everyday, light contacts

Low certainty

Addresses: Small chats with acquaintances and strangers lift mood and sense of belonging

Why it may help: In a study of students, people reported greater happiness and a greater sense of belonging on days when they interacted with more classmates than usual, and the same pattern held for acquaintances (weak ties) across daily life. In field experiments on trains and buses, commuters who were asked to talk to a stranger reported a more positive journey than those who stayed disconnected, and no less productive, even though other people had predicted the opposite.

How to apply it: Add a greeting or a short comment when you buy coffee, pass a neighbour, wait for a bus or join a meeting. You do not need a big conversation.

Who it may suit: Anyone, including people who feel shy. Start where you feel safe.

Precautions: Use judgement and keep to safe, public places. Do not push if someone signals they would rather not talk. The weak-ties finding is an association from daily surveys, so it does not prove cause.

16,3

Build a regular shared routine

Low certainty

Addresses: Makes contact repeated and easier, instead of a one-off effort

Why it may help: The NHS suggests taking time each day to be with family, for example by arranging a fixed time to eat dinner together, planning a day out with friends you have not seen for a while, switching off the TV to talk or play a game, having lunch with a colleague, or volunteering locally. The NHS loneliness guidance also suggests joining a group or club and, if you are in a group, welcoming and involving others. These are agency recommendations; they are not drawn from trials of each activity.

How to apply it: Choose one recurring thing: a weekly walk, a class, a club, a shared meal or a regular call. Put it in your calendar.

Who it may suit: Most adults, especially after a move, job change or life transition.

Precautions: Pick activities you enjoy. If a group does not suit you, try another instead of concluding that connection is not for you.

1,2

Additional options

Go a little deeper in conversation

Low certainty

Addresses: Deeper talk tends to feel less awkward than expected and builds more closeness

Why it may help: In a series of experiments, conversations between strangers felt less awkward and created more connection and happiness than people expected, and people overestimated how awkward deep conversations would be compared with shallow ones. The reason was that people expected others to care less about their disclosures than others actually did. Predictions were more accurate with close friends, family and partners.

How to apply it: Ask a real question about how someone is and listen to the answer, or share something a little more personal than usual when the moment feels right.

Who it may suit: People who tend to keep talk to the weather and work.

Precautions: Go at a pace that feels safe, and respect the other person's cues. If past experiences make sharing feel risky, a therapist can help you build trust gradually.

5,1

Test your worries about how others see you

Moderate certainty

Addresses: Helps you spot when your expectations of rejection are more negative than reality

Why it may help: In a series of studies, after conversations with new people, participants systematically underestimated how much their partners liked them and enjoyed their company (the 'liking gap'), and this lasted for months in new relationships. A meta-analysis of loneliness interventions found that, among randomized studies, the most successful ones addressed maladaptive social cognition, meaning unhelpful beliefs about social situations. A later review of 31 trials of psychological interventions, most often CBT (28 in the meta-analysis), found an average small-to-medium reduction in loneliness (g = 0.43).

How to apply it: After a social moment, write down what you expected and what actually happened. Notice if a warm response was easy to dismiss. A CBT-based therapist can guide this.

Who it may suit: People who replay conversations or expect to be disliked.

Precautions: The strongest evidence is for professionally guided programmes and for loneliness as the outcome, not for self-help journaling on its own. Social anxiety that is stopping you from doing things deserves a proper assessment.

4,17,14

Therapy for anxiety and stress → Understand & Manage Your Emotions →

Give your time to others (volunteering and small kindnesses)

Low certainty

Addresses: Creates shared purpose and a natural way to meet people

Why it may help: The NHS says acts of giving and kindness can help mental wellbeing by creating positive feelings, a sense of purpose and a feeling of connection, and suggests thanking people, really listening, helping someone with a project or volunteering in the community. A systematic review of 40 papers found that in cohort studies volunteering was linked with less depression and greater life satisfaction and wellbeing, and with lower risk of death (risk ratio 0.78 across five cohort studies), but these findings were not confirmed by the experimental studies, so causes are unclear.

How to apply it: Offer a regular few hours to a local school, community group, care home or hospital, or simply check in on a neighbour.

Who it may suit: Most adults who have some time and energy.

Precautions: People who volunteer may already be healthier or more social, so the benefit may be partly due to who chooses to volunteer. Take on only what you can sustain, and avoid roles that leave you drained.

18,1,2

Mindfulness with an accepting attitude

Moderate certainty

Addresses: May reduce feelings of loneliness and increase everyday social contact

Why it may help: In a randomized trial of 153 adults, a 14-lesson smartphone mindfulness programme that taught both monitoring and acceptance of present experience reduced daily-life loneliness by 22% and increased social contact by about two more interactions a day, compared with monitoring alone and with an active control. Separately, in a 3-arm trial of 1,151 lonely older adults living alone in Hong Kong, brief telephone-delivered mindfulness (and behavioural activation) by trained lay counsellors reduced loneliness at 12 months compared with telephone befriending.

How to apply it: Short daily guided practices that invite you to notice thoughts and feelings, including lonely or awkward ones, without fighting them. See the meditation pages.

Who it may suit: Adults who feel disconnected and are willing to practise regularly.

Precautions: One author of the smartphone trial owns part of a company releasing a commercial version of the programme. Mindfulness is usually safe, but a few people feel more anxious or low; stop or change the practice if so, and choose a trained teacher if you have a trauma history.

19,20

Meditation → Mindfulness and meditation for stress →

Loving-kindness practice

Low certainty

Addresses: A brief practice of wishing others well may increase feelings of closeness to strangers

Why it may help: In a laboratory experiment, even a few minutes of loving-kindness meditation increased feelings of social connection and positivity toward unfamiliar people, compared with a closely matched control task, on both explicit and implicit measures. The authors suggested it may help increase positive social emotions and reduce isolation, but this one short study did not test long-term effects or real-life relationships.

How to apply it: Silently repeat kind wishes toward yourself, a loved one, then a neutral person, using a guided recording.

Who it may suit: People who like reflective practices and want a gentle first step.

Precautions: A single short laboratory study. If you have a trauma history, start with a trained teacher; meditation can sometimes stir up distress.

21

Meditation →

Warm physical closeness with people you trust

Low certainty

Addresses: Hugs and touch may be one way support is felt

Why it may help: In a study of 404 healthy adults who were later exposed to a cold virus, both perceived social support and more frequent hugs buffered the rise in infection risk linked with frequent interpersonal conflict, and were linked with milder illness among those infected. Hugging accounted for about 32% of the protective effect of support. This was an observational design, so it does not prove that hugs cause better health.

How to apply it: Offer a hug or a hand on the shoulder where it is welcome, or sit close to someone you care about.

Who it may suit: People who are comfortable with touch among family and friends.

Precautions: Always respect consent and cultural and personal boundaries. Touch should never be pressured. If touch is linked to past trauma, move at your own pace.

22

Still being studied

Using social media and apps to stay connected

Mixed findings

Addresses: Unclear whether it builds or weakens real-life closeness

Why it may help: A meta-analysis of 59 studies (81,344 adolescents and young adults) found that problematic social media use was moderately linked with more loneliness (r = 0.29) while time spent on social media was only weakly linked (r = 0.07), with no significant difference between active and passive use. These are correlations, so they cannot tell us which causes which. The NHS says video-chat apps are helpful for staying in touch and advises not to rely on technology or social media alone, and that comparing yourself with others' highlights can make you feel lonelier.

How to apply it: Use messaging and video calls to keep in touch with people you know, then try to turn some of it into calls or meetings. Notice if scrolling leaves you feeling worse.

Who it may suit: Anyone who uses social media, with extra care for teenagers and people who feel dependent on it.

Precautions: If social media use feels compulsive or leaves you low, consider a break and talk to a clinician if it is affecting your mood or sleep. The evidence here is from younger people.

23,1,2

Social skills training and structured social support

Not enough evidence

Addresses: Plausible, but the benefit for general connection is not well established

Why it may help: A meta-analysis of loneliness interventions grouped them into four strategies (improving social skills, enhancing social support, increasing opportunities for social contact, and addressing maladaptive social cognition). Among the randomized studies, the most successful interventions addressed maladaptive social cognition, and non-randomized or single-group studies gave larger effects than randomized trials. In the abstract, separate results for social skills training were not reported, so we could not tell how well it works alone. For social anxiety disorder specifically, a network meta-analysis found that exposure and social skills programmes improved symptoms compared with waiting lists.

How to apply it: If you want to build skills, look for a group or course led by a trained professional or a reputable community programme.

Who it may suit: People who want structured practice with conversation and friendship-making.

Precautions: Quality varies. Prefer programmes run by qualified leaders.

17,24

Food & nutrition

Eating together

No food has been shown to make you more connected. What food can do is give a reason to meet. The NHS suggests arranging a fixed time to eat dinner together, having lunch with a colleague, and trying to learn to cook something new as ways to connect with others. These are practical suggestions from a health service, not results from trials of shared meals.

  • A weekly meal with family, neighbours or friends.
  • Lunch with a colleague or an old friend.
  • A cooking class, community kitchen or potluck.
1

Alcohol and social ease

Many people use alcohol to feel more at ease with others. We did not find a source showing that this builds connection. The NHS lists cutting down on alcohol among the lifestyle changes that many people with depression benefit from, so if you notice that you need a drink to cope with social situations, or that low mood is part of the picture, it is worth talking to a doctor.

11

Supplements and teas

No tea, herb or supplement has been shown to improve connection or social skills. A warm drink can be a pleasant reason to sit down with someone, which is a habit rather than a treatment.

25

Remedies & supplements

Traditional use, laboratory findings and human trials are kept apart. "Natural" does not mean safe.

St John's wort

Mixed findings

Studied form and route: Capsules, tablets, tea or liquid extracts

Intended outcome: Studied for depression, not for connection

Human evidence: The NCCIH says results of studies for depression are mixed: a 12-week trial of 73 people with minor depression found no difference from placebo, a 26-week trial of 124 people with moderately severe major depression found it similar to a standard medicine and placebo, and a 2008 review of 29 studies suggested it may be better than placebo for mild to moderate depression. It concludes that it is not consistently effective for depression.

Traditional use: Used for centuries for mental health conditions, and widely prescribed for depression in Europe, according to the NCCIH.

Limits: None of this is evidence for improving relationships, social skills or loneliness. Trials differed in products and methods.

Interactions and precautions: Can weaken many prescription medicines, including antidepressants, birth control pills, a blood thinner, heart, transplant, pain, HIV and cancer medicines. With certain antidepressants it can cause a potentially life-threatening rise in serotonin. It is a stimulant that may worsen anxiety, can cause sensitivity to sunlight, and has been linked to worsening psychotic symptoms in people with bipolar disorder or schizophrenia in case reports. Ask a pharmacist or doctor before use, especially in pregnancy, breastfeeding, or with any medicine. Do not use it in place of professional care.

25

St John's wort → Medicine interactions →

Therapies & care

Closeness with others is built mostly through everyday habits, but talking therapies can help when fear of judgement, low mood or old hurts are getting in the way. Established care for social anxiety and low mood starts with a doctor's assessment and talking therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT); in some cases a clinician may also discuss medicines. This page does not recommend medicines or doses, and you should not stop a prescribed medicine on your own. In England, you can refer yourself to NHS talking therapies without seeing a GP first.

CBT and guided self-help for social anxiety

High certainty

Talking therapy The NHS says CBT is generally considered the best treatment for social anxiety, delivered one-to-one, in a group or as guided self-help (a CBT-based workbook or online course with regular support from a therapist). A network meta-analysis of 101 trials (13,164 participants) found individual CBT (standardised mean difference -1.19 against a waiting list), group CBT, exposure and social skills programmes, and self-help with support all reduced social anxiety symptoms, and individual CBT also did better than a psychological placebo.

Who it may suit: Adults whose fear of social situations stops them from doing things they want to do, or who avoid people because of anxiety.

Precautions: Therapy takes effort and time between sessions. Waiting times vary; ask about online or group options.

6,24

Anxiety disorders → Therapy for anxiety and stress →

Psychological therapies for loneliness

Moderate certainty

Talking therapy A meta-analysis of 28 randomized trials (3,039 participants) found that psychological interventions, most often CBT and mostly delivered face to face in groups, reduced loneliness more than control conditions (g = 0.43, a small-to-medium effect), though results varied widely between studies. Earlier work found the most successful randomized interventions addressed unhelpful social beliefs.

Who it may suit: People who feel persistently lonely or stuck in patterns of expecting rejection.

Precautions: Programmes differ in quality. Look for a trained therapist or a reputable service.

14,17

Reduce Loneliness →

Mindfulness and behavioural activation, including by telephone

Moderate certainty

Guided training or brief telephone support In a trial of 1,151 lonely older adults, eight 30-minute telephone sessions with trained lay counsellors, using either behavioural activation (planning enjoyable and meaningful activities) or mindfulness, reduced loneliness over 12 months compared with telephone befriending. A smaller trial of a smartphone mindfulness programme that included acceptance training also reduced daily loneliness and increased social contact.

Who it may suit: Adults who feel disconnected, including older adults who live alone, who would like a structured and supported start.

Precautions: The large trial was done in Hong Kong with older adults, so results may differ elsewhere. Mindfulness occasionally brings up difficult feelings; ask a trained teacher for guidance.

20,19

Meditation →

Community groups, support groups and befriending

Not enough evidence

Community support The NHS suggests joining local groups and clubs, volunteering and, in the UK, lists services such as befriending networks, charities and support groups for loneliness and for social anxiety. Online groups can be a starting point, but the NHS advises not to rely on technology alone. We did not find trial results for these services that we could verify, so we do not rate how well they work.

Who it may suit: People who want to meet others who share an interest or a challenge.

Precautions: Meet new people in safe, public places, and choose well-run groups. Services differ by country.

2,6

What to avoid

Habits, products and claims that can get in the way. Never stop a prescribed medicine without talking to the professional who prescribed it.

Risks that apply to most people

Assuming people do not want to talk to you

Low certainty

Why: In experiments, commuters predicted that connecting with a stranger would make their journey worse, yet those who did connect reported a more positive experience, and the mistaken preference for solitude came partly from underestimating how interested others are in connecting. In other studies, after conversations, people systematically underestimated how much their partners liked them.

Who it applies to: Anyone who hesitates to start a conversation or reach out, especially after a move or a long gap.

Try instead: Treat your prediction as a guess and test it with a small step, such as a greeting or a short message to someone you know.

3,4

Keeping every conversation at surface level

Low certainty

Why: In experiments with strangers, deep conversations felt less awkward and created more connection than people expected, and people tended to expect that others would not care about their personal disclosures. Overly shallow talk can keep relationships from growing.

Who it applies to: People who stick to small talk with friends and colleagues for years.

Try instead: Ask one genuine question and share one real thing, gradually and with people who seem interested.

5

Relying on text and social media alone

Low certainty

Why: The NHS advises not to rely on technology or social media alone to build relationships, because it is easy to get into the habit of only texting, messaging or emailing. In experiments, voice-based contact created stronger social bonds than text, with no extra awkwardness.

Who it applies to: People who mostly message friends and family.

Try instead: Mix messages with calls, video chats and in-person meetings, even short ones.

1,15

Personal triggers to check

Problematic or compulsive social media use

Low certainty

Why: A meta-analysis of studies of adolescents and young adults found a moderate link between problematic social media use and loneliness, with a smaller link for time spent online. It cannot show which causes which, since lonely people may also turn to social media more.

Who it applies to: Teenagers and young adults, and anyone who feels unable to cut back or feels worse after scrolling.

Try instead: Notice how you feel after using it, set limits that work for you, and use the time for a call or an in-person plan.

23

Comparing your life with other people's highlights

Low certainty

Why: The NHS says that some people only share the good things happening to them, especially on social media, so comparing yourself to others can make you feel lonelier, and that we can never be sure what someone else is going through.

Who it applies to: Anyone who feels left out when scrolling.

Try instead: Remind yourself that posts are selected, and reach out to one person instead of watching others.

2

Products that need caution

St John's wort and other herbs or supplements sold for mood or social ease

Mixed findings

Why: The NCCIH says St John's wort is not consistently effective for depression, and that it limits the effectiveness of many prescription medicines. Combining it with certain antidepressants can lead to a potentially life-threatening rise in serotonin. It is also a stimulant that may worsen anxiety in some people, and there are case reports of worsening psychotic symptoms in people with bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. The studies are about depression, not connection; traditional use for mental health goes back centuries, but that does not make it safe with medicines.

Who it applies to: Anyone considering a herb or supplement to feel better in social situations, and especially anyone who takes any prescription medicine, including birth control pills.

Try instead: Talk to a pharmacist or doctor first. Do not use herbs to replace professional care for low mood or anxiety, and never stop a prescribed medicine on your own.

25

St John's wort → Medicine interactions →

Unsupported claims

'If you are alone, you must be lonely' (and the reverse)

Moderate certainty

Why: The NHS says loneliness is subjective and personal: you can feel lonely in a busy city, on social media or with other people, and being alone does not always mean being lonely. A meta-analysis found no difference in mortality links between measures of objective isolation and subjective loneliness.

Who it applies to: Anyone judging their social life by how many people are around them.

Try instead: Ask yourself whether you have people you feel understood by, and whether the amount of contact you have feels right for you.

2,8

'Stronger social ties will make you live longer'

Moderate certainty

Why: Large meta-analyses link stronger relationships with a higher likelihood of survival, but the studies are observational. They show an association, and in one review initial health status influenced the results. They do not show that adding a friend extends life.

Who it applies to: Anyone who reads headlines about loneliness and early death and feels alarmed.

Try instead: Value connection for how it makes life feel and its mental wellbeing benefits, and treat the survival figures as an association.

7,8

Common mistakes

Avoiding every uncomfortable social situation

Low certainty

Why: The NHS describes social anxiety as a fear that does not go away and notes that people often avoid or worry a lot about social activities. Its self-help tips include breaking challenging situations into smaller parts and working on feeling more relaxed with each part, and focusing on what people are saying rather than assuming the worst.

Who it applies to: Anyone who cancels plans or avoids group settings because they dread them.

Try instead: Start with small, manageable steps, and if fear is overwhelming or is limiting your life, ask a GP or therapist about CBT.

6

Anxiety disorders →

Giving up after one lukewarm response

Low certainty

Why: The NHS notes that it might be harder for people who have been lonely for a while to be open to connecting, so friendly contact may need time before a response.

Who it applies to: Anyone who has reached out and heard nothing back or felt brushed off.

Try instead: Allow time, try a second small contact, and widen your circle so one person's reply does not carry all your hopes.

2

Evidence & safety

What the research shows

The best-supported conclusions are that social connection is strongly associated with better health and wellbeing, that psychological programmes (most often CBT-based) reduce loneliness on average, and that CBT is well established for social anxiety. Experiments suggest that people expect conversations with others to go worse than they do, and that voice contact creates stronger bonds than text. Evidence for many everyday habits, such as volunteering, hugging, mindfulness and loving-kindness, is real but mostly from observational studies, short laboratory experiments or single trials, so confidence is low to moderate. No herb or supplement has been shown to improve connection.

Limits of the evidence

  • Much of the research on how to connect comes from short experiments with volunteers (often students) and from surveys, so it shows what tends to be true on average, not what will work for every person.
  • Associations between relationships and health (survival, illness) are observational and may be affected by prior health and other factors.
  • Most trials measure loneliness rather than closeness or relationship quality, and effects differ widely between studies.
  • The large mindfulness and behavioural activation trial included only older adults in Hong Kong; a smartphone mindfulness trial's author has a commercial interest.
  • The social media reviews we read are correlational and focus on adolescents and young adults.
  • Study numbers on this page come from abstracts and agency pages, not full texts. One NHS page we cited (on social anxiety) showed a review date of May 2026 that has passed.

Precautions and interactions

  • Do not use herbs or supplements to replace care for low mood or anxiety, and check with a pharmacist before any, especially St John's wort.
  • Do not stop a prescribed medicine without speaking to your prescriber.
  • Meet new people in safe, public places, respect other people's boundaries and consent (including for touch), and keep personal details private until you trust someone.
  • Meditation can occasionally bring on anxiety, low mood or unpleasant memories; stop and seek advice if that happens.

Life-stage considerations

  • Children and teenagers: friendships and belonging matter a great deal, and heavy or compulsive social media use has been linked to loneliness in adolescents. Talk to a parent, school counsellor or doctor if a young person seems isolated or very anxious around peers.
  • Pregnancy, postnatal period and caring for a newborn: the NHS lists staying at home with a newborn as a time when people may feel lonely. Tell a midwife, health visitor or doctor if low mood or isolation is affecting you, and ask a clinician before using any herb or supplement.
  • Older adults: loneliness is a risk after retirement, bereavement or health changes. Telephone-based programmes helped in one large trial. Older adults are more likely to take several medicines, so check interactions before any herb or supplement.
  • People with hearing, mobility or vision difficulties: these can make conversation and travel tiring; ask a clinician about hearing and vision checks and community support.

Warning signs

  • Intense fear of social situations or of being judged that leads you to avoid people, school, work or everyday tasks.
  • Low mood, hopelessness or loss of interest in things you used to enjoy for two weeks or more, or pulling away from friends (NIMH and NHS).
  • Feeling very lonely most of the time, or feeling that no one cares or would notice.
  • Using alcohol or other substances to cope with being around people.
  • Thoughts of harming yourself: use 988 in the US, Samaritans on 116 123 in the UK, or local emergency services.

Claim checks

People would rather be left alone on a commute or in a waiting room

Low certainty

In field experiments, commuters who were asked to talk to a stranger reported a more positive journey than those who were not, even though other participants predicted the reverse. This was true of the people studied in specific settings, and not everyone enjoys talking on every day.

3

Texting is as good as talking for staying close

Low certainty

In experiments, voice-based contact (phone, video chat, voice chat) created stronger social bonds than text-based contact and was not more awkward, though people tended to prefer text. The NHS advises not to rely on technology alone to build relationships.

15,1

More friends or a larger social circle always means better wellbeing

Moderate certainty

Research finds the link with survival is strongest for complex measures of social integration and much weaker for simply living alone versus with others, and the NHS stresses that loneliness is subjective. Quality and feeling understood matter, and the evidence on specific numbers of friends is not settled here.

7,2

A supplement can make you more sociable

Evidence against

We found no reliable evidence of any herb or supplement improving social connection. The herb most often marketed for mood, St John's wort, is not consistently effective for depression and has important medicine interactions.

25

Questions people ask

Why do I find it hard to feel close to people?

There are many possible reasons: life changes, past hurts, shyness, social anxiety, low mood, or simply having less time. The NHS lists moves, new parenthood, long-term illness, caring roles and bereavement as common triggers for feeling disconnected. If fear of judgement or low mood is part of it, a doctor or therapist can help.

How do I make friends as an adult?

Research suggests repeated small contacts help. Join a regular group or class, volunteer, say hello to people you see often, and follow up with a call or an invitation. The NHS suggests joining groups, volunteering, and inviting someone for a walk or a coffee in a safe public place.

Will talking to strangers really make me feel better?

In field experiments on trains and buses, people who connected with a stranger reported a more positive journey, even though they had expected the opposite. It will not suit every person or every day, so go at your own pace and stay safe.

Do people like me more than I think?

Often yes. In studies of conversations, people consistently underestimated how much their partners liked them, a pattern called the liking gap. It does not mean everyone will like you, but your worst-case guess is probably too harsh.

Is it better to call or text?

In experiments, voice contact (phone or video) created stronger bonds than text and was not more awkward, even though people expected it to be. Texting is still useful for quick contact, so mix the two.

Does social media help or hurt connection?

The research is mixed and mostly correlational. A meta-analysis of studies of young people found that problematic social media use was moderately linked with loneliness, while time online was only weakly linked. The NHS says video calls help you stay in touch but advises not to rely on technology alone.

Is being shy the same as social anxiety?

No. The NHS says social anxiety is more than shyness: it is a long-term, overwhelming fear of social situations that affects daily life, self-confidence, relationships and work or school. It can be treated, and CBT is generally considered the best treatment.

Can volunteering help me feel connected?

It may. Cohort studies link volunteering with better wellbeing and lower depression, and the NHS suggests it as a way to meet people and feel purpose. A review noted that experimental studies did not confirm the benefit, so it is not proven to cause the improvement.

Is there a supplement or herb that helps me connect with others?

No. We found no reliable evidence for any. St John's wort is studied for depression with mixed results and can interact with many medicines, including some that are life-threatening in combination. Ask a pharmacist or doctor before using it, and do not stop a prescribed medicine on your own.

When should I see a doctor?

See a doctor if fear of social situations is stopping you from living your life, if low mood or loss of interest has lasted two weeks or more, or if you feel hopeless. If you have thoughts of harming yourself, call or text 988 in the US, call Samaritans on 116 123 in the UK, or contact local emergency services at once.

References

  1. NHS. 5 steps to mental wellbeing: connect with other people, help other people. Read 2026-10-31. source
  2. NHS Every Mind Matters. Dealing with loneliness. Read 2026-10-31. source
  3. Epley N, Schroeder J. Mistakenly seeking solitude. J Exp Psychol Gen. 2014. PMID 25019381. source
  4. Boothby EJ, et al. The liking gap in conversations: do people like us more than we think? Psychol Sci. 2018. PMID 30183512. source
  5. Kardas M, Kumar A, Epley N. Overly shallow? Miscalibrated expectations create a barrier to deeper conversation. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2022. PMID 34591541. source
  6. NHS. Social anxiety (social phobia) (page last reviewed 17 May 2023; next review due 17 May 2026). Read 2026-10-31. source
  7. Holt-Lunstad J, Smith TB, Layton JB. Social relationships and mortality risk: a meta-analytic review. PLoS Med. 2010. PMID 20668659. source
  8. Holt-Lunstad J, et al. Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: a meta-analytic review. Perspect Psychol Sci. 2015. PMID 25910392. source
  9. Robles TF, et al. Marital quality and health: a meta-analytic review. Psychol Bull. 2014. PMID 23527470. source
  10. Holt-Lunstad J, Robles TF, Sbarra DA. Advancing social connection as a public health priority in the United States. Am Psychol. 2017. PMID 28880099. source
  11. NHS. Depression in adults: overview. Read 2026-10-31. source
  12. NIMH. Depression (major depression for at least 2 weeks; names the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline and 911). Read 2026-10-31. source
  13. NHS. Where to get urgent help for mental health (names Samaritans 116 123, 111 and 999). Read 2026-10-31. source
  14. Hickin N, et al. The effectiveness of psychological interventions for loneliness: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Clin Psychol Rev. 2021. PMID 34339939. source
  15. Kumar A, Epley N. It's surprisingly nice to hear you: misunderstanding the impact of communication media can lead to suboptimal choices of how to connect with others. J Exp Psychol Gen. 2021. PMID 32915017. source
  16. Sandstrom GM, Dunn EW. Social interactions and well-being: the surprising power of weak ties. Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2014. PMID 24769739. source
  17. Masi CM, et al. A meta-analysis of interventions to reduce loneliness. Pers Soc Psychol Rev. 2011. PMID 20716644. source
  18. Jenkinson CE, et al. Is volunteering a public health intervention? A systematic review and meta-analysis of the health and survival of volunteers. BMC Public Health. 2013. PMID 23968220. source
  19. Lindsay EK, et al. Mindfulness training reduces loneliness and increases social contact in a randomized controlled trial. Proc Natl Acad Sci U S A. 2019. PMID 30808743. source
  20. Tang VFY, et al. Behavioral activation and mindfulness interventions in reducing loneliness and improving well-being in older adults: the HEAL-HOA randomized clinical trial. JAMA Netw Open. 2026. PMID 41637070. source
  21. Hutcherson CA, Seppala EM, Gross JJ. Loving-kindness meditation increases social connectedness. Emotion. 2008. PMID 18837623. source
  22. Cohen S, et al. Does hugging provide stress-buffering social support? A study of susceptibility to upper respiratory infection and illness. Psychol Sci. 2015. PMID 25526910. source
  23. Feng HP, et al. Exploring the relationship between social media use and loneliness in adolescents and young adults: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Soc Psychiatry Psychiatr Epidemiol. 2026. PMID 42479167. source
  24. Mayo-Wilson E, et al. Psychological and pharmacological interventions for social anxiety disorder in adults: a systematic review and network meta-analysis. Lancet Psychiatry. 2014. PMID 26361000. source
  25. NCCIH. St. John's Wort and Depression: In Depth. Read 2026-10-31. source

Related on AlternativeMed

Related goals

Reduce Loneliness → Support a More Balanced Mood → Make More Room for Enjoyment → Practice Self-Compassion → Understand & Manage Your Emotions → Cope With Difficult Life Changes → Build Emotional Resilience → Manage Irritability → Feel Calmer During the Day →

Ingredients, foods and supplements

St John's wort →

Research, safety and claim-check resources

Therapy for anxiety and stress → Meditation → Mindfulness and meditation for stress → Relaxation techniques → Stress and anxiety: safety and when to get help → Medicine interactions →